Nine months ago, my boyfriend, Will, and I made the brave decision to relocate from our home in Louisville, Kentucky, to the greater Boston area. We’d never been to Boston and neither of us knew a single soul.
Yes, people relocate all of the time. People get job offers they can’t refuse, others crave new experiences in new cities. Our move was a combination of both. I’d always heard from others in similar shoes that moving away was liberating, exciting, and a huge growth opportunity. As someone who moved from St. Louis to Kentucky when I was 18, I can appreciate that sentiment. However, this time around – this move – has felt different.
Perhaps it was because I left behind truly amazing friends. Like, really amazing friends. The kind of friends people feel lucky to have just one or two of, I’d somehow managed to find enough to need my fingers and toes to count. It was the kind of social network I had only dreamed of having in high school and college.
As excited as it was to start a new career, it was also difficult to say goodbye to my employer, my professional residence for a handful of years. In putting in my notice, I realized I’d somehow taken for granted an environment where I was trusted and well-liked among a family of brilliant – and at times, dysfunctional – teammates.
Lastly, I underestimated how hard it’d be to leave the city itself. After spending nearly a decade in Louisville, Possibility City, I’d come to realize what a hidden gem of dive bars, southern cooking, horse-racing, countless bourbon options, and raving basketball fans it is.
So, nine months after closing the door on my old Kentucky home, and opening one to Beantown, here is what I’ve learned:
1. It’s hard. For all of the reasons I’ve mentioned above, relocating to a new city in your thirties is significantly harder that I’d imagined. I cried every day of my first month here. If you can imagine being stripped of your friendships, your confidence and the certainties of everyday life, you will understand how I felt embarking on this new chapter of life.
2. It gets easier. For the past nine months, I’ve had a voice in my head, constantly reminding me that ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day.’ And you know what? It’s right. Life gets easier. I’ve found a ‘groove.’ I, at least somewhat, can navigate my way around the city. I have a daily routine. I’ve met people. I don’t cry anymore… err, often. As hard as the first several months were, life has gotten gradually easier. And, I look forward to reflecting six… nine… twelve months from now on how much easier everyday life is than it is right now.
3. Your ‘send off’ isn’t an accurate representation. When Will and I let our friends know we’d be moving away, their calendars suddenly became more open than ever. We went out for dinner or drinks almost nightly. Groups gathered on the weekends. Although very unnecessary, some friends even bought us gifts. It all made it that much harder to leave. But, I had to remind myself, that isn’t real. Yes, had I stayed in Louisville, I’d continue to see my friends. But they’d also continue living their lives, filled with family gatherings, vacations, kids, work, etc. – obligations that had unsustainably lifted in the weeks leading up to our move.
4. It makes or breaks your relationship. When I was 22, I moved to Lexington with my college boyfriend. It was like a death march for our relationship; we broke up only months later. The stress of being in a new environment was just more than we’d both bargained for and more than our relationship could bear. Fortunately, at 32, the opposite has happened. I’d loved Will for four years before we moved, but now, this move has further solidified that he’s the one for me. As hard as it’s been for both of us to adjust to a new life, we’ve found comfort in each other. We’ve leaned on each other in hard times and have found indescribable happiness in sharing new experiences together.
5. It makes you stronger. By now, I’ve made it abundantly clear how difficult it was for me to start a new life in Boston. Yet, overcoming those challenges has changed me in a way that staying in Louisville never could. The people I surround myself with are more diverse than ever. I feel more prepared to face life’s hardships. I am more independent.